It's been quite a while since I've logged into here. At the moment I don't really feel like writing because my creative energies are just everywhere. I can't focus. Last night I went with my love John to see Ours and Plain Jane Automobile in concert and it was the most phenomenal event.... Undescribable.
Right now I am at school about to take an exam. I just paid my $20 graduation fee and I am graduating from college on August 5th! Of course, I will only have my AA, but still! It's quite an accomplishment.
I will come back to this blog in a little while.

...Two days later..

I am sitting here at baby's computer next to the window while he working hard to make money. He has the most beautiful view.. I see a stream with raindrops penetrating the surface of the water, making endless colliding ripples. Circles circles, endlessly expanding.. Very metaphoric of life.

Can I make a confession?

Lately it has been a true difficulty to express myself with words. I find it so hard to talk and to write. Words get in the way of so much, they feel so limiting and bland. I just love to feel... I get so much just by standing near a person to pick up their vibes... The energy says SO much more than words. But of course, when I  just sit in silence, life appears very isolated. Meeting new people is hard for me, because there is so much talking to do. So many mindless, useless thoughts spewing out of the mouth. Most just based on the mundane events, like getting the car washed or what kind of cell phone to buy.  I just want to  go up to a someone new and just hug them! I don't want to know your ego, I want to FEEL your soul!

Of course we need a means of communication, but I will be so joyful when the day comes that words are no longer needed. When we can transmit thought frequencies telepathically, or through music or an image of a thought. Until then, I must focus my energy on freeing this block I have of expressing myself. I find it hard to express my opinions and my feelings because I know that there is always someone on the opposing side. I know there is always someone more informed than I, someone more intellectually convincing, someone more articulate or witty... Ok stop. The truth behind the matter is that I know opinions don't really matter. Self-expression doesn't really matter. Of course it does to a certian extent but I am not going to beat myself up over not being materialistic just to prove my "uniqueness" and I am not going to loathe my personality for being socially awkward because I have no well-thought out superego, like most of society.
I am totally fine with who I am, what I look like, what my true feelings are, and my path on this amazing journey.
I am at peace with everything exactly how it is in this moment.

In other news.....

Me, baby, and other friends took a week long trip to North Carolina. No computer, no cell phones. Just us, the lake, and the mountains. And alcohol. Ugh, I think that was the one factor that I would have changed if I could. No drinking. I made an agreement with myself to only drink on my 21st birthday celebrations, and then, I will only be drinking wine. Alcohol has built so many walls up around my beautiful soul. Not to mention, my beautiful body has suffered tremendously. It's not the alcohol itself, but who I am when I drink it. I am NOT purely myself, I am this promiscuous, fear-based bitch who throws tantrums when her amazing boyfriend doesn't do what she expects... Again, Stop. I always have to stop myself when I get carried away. I am not angry with my past. I totally forgive myself. I am making it a point to just be and change in the moments that are given to me.

Obviously, I am on the endless road to self-awakening. It is an endless road because there is no destination. There are only moments, moments, and more moments.

I love myself.

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Moments like this inspire me. People who just want to dance in this symphony we call "life". That's all we can do... instead of anticipating an end to this song, we must enjoy and salvage each note, each rhythmic beat and just flow to the melody.